I found a letter I got from someone who broke my heart. Finding the letter didn't hurt; I still have his picture half folded on my desk. I read it, because I clearly have an urge to hunt down the pain. I knew I wasn't ready for that.... but that never stops me, I guess.
The pet names didn't hurt. The memories didn't hurt. The grammar and spelling mistakes made me giggle, just as they did when I read it the first time. What hurt the most was when he wrote, "I love that about you." Out of everything, that caught me off guard and ripped the scab off the healing wounds.
The tears came back in the form of a flood, but only for a few minutes (luckily). I kept control of myself better than I ever have in the past and I think that shows the progress and growth. It will never stop hurting.... I don't think it's supposed to.
I comforted myself by writing a letter back (even though I'm pretty sure I was the last one to write). I don't know if I'll send it just yet, or ever. However, it is stamped and ready.
I always said I was never going to be one of "these girls," but here I am.
No comments:
Post a Comment