I just hope you miss me when I'm gone

"When I first laid eyes on you, well the night just felt so odd. You looked at me and the stars lined up. I gave it my best shot. Loving you is like throwing a lasso around a tornado. I tried to hold on to..... I thought I could show you. I've always been afraid of flying, but you can't blame a girl for trying."

    I'm tired of being the one who misses out. This time, I put my heart on the table and you let it sit. I won't be her this time. You'll be the one missing out. You'll be the one hoping you would have done something all along. I'll let you know this, though. Hopefully it will remind you of what you're missing.
    I won't let myself do this again, because it can't take it.

    Just know this. You're amazing. No matter what you may think of yourself or what you have been told in the past. You're a beautiful person. Stop trying to be something you're not, because I love who you are. You'll be much happier once you start seeing your true reflection. You don't have to please everyone else, just you.
    Smile the smile I know and adore. Laugh when you want, even if nobody else thinks it's funny (besides, I think everything is funny... so at least I'll be laughing too). Embrace every line of your face. Love who you are, because it's you.

    I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to say goodbye, even if it's only temporary. I didn't even say goodbye to Jerry!!!! Now I have to go back next week. :)

I'm finally home

    Leaving this summer is going to be harder than I anticipated. I used to think Tampa wasn't anything important in my life...until very recently. I realized in the past few weeks that my life here is meaningful.
     My whole life, my number one goal has been to make a difference. In any way I can. I've gone on thinking I'm no where near this goal. Through the words and actions of some amazing people, I've come to realize I'm reaching this goal. I've made a difference.
    So, I revised my goal. I want to make a difference. I want to make a difference every chance I get. I want to make a difference every day. I want to make someone smile when they're having a bad day. I want to give advice that saves someone's life. I want to be someone you can rely on......... I WILL do all of these things. I have an amazing thing in my hands.... my life and the ability to change the world. I plan on taking advantage of that.

    My heart lies in the walls of the Humane Society of Tampa Bay. If there has ever been a place I can walk into and feel at home... this is it. I don't think I've ever been happier than I am when I walk in and see all those dogs. They all have sad stories and are surely in pain, but when I walk through those doors.... all those voices start sounding and the tails start wagging.
    I have a part in keeping them happy and healthy. I have a part in sending them home. I have a part in changing people's lives by introducing them to the new members of their family.
    What I do..... the things I put my effort in to..... I am finally home.

    Now comes the hard part. I'll be gone for almost 4 months. I know my internship is an amazing opportunity and I'm grateful for that, but it'll be hard to leave a part of me here for a while.

"What am I supposed to do when you play it so cool and I've got the hots for you"

In the evening, you can catch me daydreaming.....

    I spent my Friday washing dogs with The Band Perry while raising funds for the Humane Society of Tampa Bay. We received a $10,000 check from Purina... which pretty much brought me to tears when I heard it. :) It was just a beautiful day.
    It's kind of weird to see pictures of them where I'm awkwardly behind them looking like a mess. I am either making a weird face, covered in dog hair and water, or in the middle of a sentence. :) At least I got to experience. Plus, I got a signed CD!! So I can't complain.

    You know how they say a watched pot never boils? Well, I've been watching and it definitely isn't boiling. I don't even see those little bubbles that form right before it boils. Lame sauce.

P.S. TODAY I HIT EXACTLY 100 HOURS AT THE SHELTER. :)

"I wonder what it looks like from the outside"

  Remember how we used to make up our own languages as kids? I think I might just have to revert back to those ways. My language is currently unnamed and shall remain that way until language specialists find me in a cave speaking to myself (or my cave drawings... or my cave dogs... or various other cave friends) in my new language. This language.... will consist entirely of taxonomical names. I understand that everything is going to take ten times longer to say, but how cool would that be?!?! Never mind. I'm just delirious form studying. Moving on.....

    Tomorrow is going to be amazing. I get the chance to save thousands of animal lives while meeting a band I thoroughly enjoy. The charity dog wash at the Humane Society of Tampa Bay!!!! I can't wait. All proceeds go directly to the humane society. Word on the street has it that the HSTB is receiving a pretty nice check from one of the event sponsors. Don't judge me when I start crying.... :)

    Love bugs are starting to really annoy me. Biologists seriously need to rethink the idea of breeding a species for the sole purpose of controlling another. IT NEVER WORKS!!!! Don't we ever learn from the past. This has been attempted in numerous places.... and it failed every time. Get on top of it!!!

    Now back to studying. It's not like I have a test in an hour and a half. Good thing I've got a pretty good handle on this material.

    One more thing before I go. I would like to introduce you (finally) to my baby girl. I only talk about her all the time. Friends.... meet Sky. :)

All the things I found in my room that I don't need

• A huge box of mardi gras beads
• Enough used paper to rebuild the tree it came from
• Dust
• 2 boxes full of clothes for good will
• Too many cardboard boxes
• More dust
• 20 poop bags from the humane society... with dog biscuits...

This was just in the hour I worked on it today. I'm scared. I know for a fact there is a box of stuffed animals somewhere in there..... it's just hiding. 

Take me away

I just remembered that I have clean laundry sitting on my bed that I need to fold before I go to bed. :(

I'm sitting here, thinking about the next two weeks... and everything seems so.... so fake! This all can't be happening. I can't be done with this semester. I can't be leaving Tampa. I can't be flying to New Hampshire to spend the summer learning about wildlife care. I just can't.... or maybe I can.

I've decided that there are certain people I just can't speak to anymore. I say one small indefinite thing..... meaningless. The next thing I know, it's gone to Canada and back and it's got an accent. The little snowball that was my statement was pushed down a hill and has returned to smother me. Getting the picture?

I want to go riding. I want the chance to trust the direction the wind blows. I want to let go of all my worries and trust whatever majestic beauty I find myself with. I want the petty details....the things that shouldn't bother me but do.... I want them to go away//if only for a moment.

Can you do something for me? Take me away. Lay on the sand//grass//roof with me. Stare up at the sky and let our minds wander into the areas we so often avoid. Let me listen to your heartbeat//to your breathing. Forget that the world around us exists. Simply be in that moment with me.

Take me away.

I'm not sure where this is gonna go....

...but in this moment all I know is the skyline through the window, the moon above you and the streets below. Hold my breath as you're moving in. Taste your lips and feel your skin. When the time comes, baby don't run. Just kiss me slowly.

    I honestly have not a clue how I manage to remain standing when I'm with you//how I keep breathing when you touch me//how I speak when you make me blush.
    I'm impatiently awaiting his phone call. I don't care what we do, as long as we spend time together. Just seeing him from across the room is enough to put a smile on my face. Any time he hugs me, or I feel his skin on mine, my heart beats just a little bit faster.
    Maybe one day you all won't have to read about him in every post. For now though, I hope it doesn't annoy you. It helps me channel the thoughts and really think about things, without just the feelings guiding me. It's my way of protecting my heart//my mind. My way of surviving.
    I do love each and every one of you for actually caring enough (or simply having human interest) and taking the time to read this. Everybody needs someone who cares. :)
 
    People come into our lives for a reason. The impact they have may leave us bent and broken or smiling for days. However they leave us on their departure, they were there for a reason.

    Finals week is fast approaching. I have mixed feelings about this. For one, it means this horrific semester is coming to a close. Good. On the other hand, it means I'll be leaving sooner than I want. Bad. I'll figure out how to balance everything soon enough.
    As my internship in New Hampshire gets closer, I get more and more nervous. It's a new experience, a new place with new people.... it's all just so new. I try to embrace the changes, the new things, but this might be more of a challenge than I anticipated. :/

To me:
    Promise me this. You won't let the pain of the past get in the way of the happiness in the future. You'll look before each leap, but you won't stop to over analyze every detail first. Don't be afraid to let people in. If they love you for what you are, let them have you. You are amazing and tomorrow will be your day, just like today. Promise me that life will be what you make it and that from now on, you'll make it amazing. Promise me.

Tears of Joy

I woke up this morning at my low for the week... or so I thought. Then, I took my organic exam. Talk about defeat! I thought my day was permanently stuck at the bottom.

    I sulked to work and started studying for my next exam. Once I arrived and was sitting outside my classroom, staring out at the river, I saw a pair of dolphins.  They were swimming out to the bay, but then they seemed to get confused and swim in circles... as if to stop and say hi.
    I took my parasitology exam and walked out feeling.... like I achieved something. The exam was nowhere near as hard as I expected.
    I decided to sit with a friend by the river for a while. I checked my email and saw that the volunteer newsletter for the shelter was sent out. Two things:

1. Every week, there is a shout out in the newsletter. This week, it was for me. :)

"This week, the adoption staff would like to give a SHOUT OUT to volunteer Brittany Mielcarek. Brittany's favorite job is dog companion. You will see her most Saturdays and Sundays, no matter the weather, making sure that every dog gets outside. She's great with the dogs and she's great with new volunteers! She helps me so much in mentoring our new volunteers. Thank you Brittany for your dedication and all of your hard work! You are a rock star!!"

     This was followed by a google image #1 ribbon. :) I was so happy to see this. I love what I do there and I would never ask for recognition, but it's always nice when you hard work means something to others.

     2.  Gizmo is a dog who lived at the shelter for over 3 months. He was adopted once but returned. This week, HE WENT HOME!!!!!!!!!! He is such a sweet boy and he deserves to be loved everyday. Thank you, whoever you are, for taking him home. I can't wait for you two to live a happy life together and add something special to each others life.

    When I read that Gizmo went home, I threw my head back and screamed it out. I am so excited for him! To follow both of these amazing events, Eva Dupay (one of the sweetest people ever) threw in a comment that made me smile. 

"I'm so glad you're in this world. We need people like you."

     To know that the things I do make a difference, to know that I have an affect on people, to know that who I am makes a difference.......

    With all of these things combined, I couldn't help but cry tears of joy!! This has been the most stressful week of the semester, and one of my worst days..... but today had a different plan for me. 

     After everything, I'm supposed to be happy. :)

Tests, tests, tests, puppy

Why can't I mouth words to a song and dance while studying in the library without people staring? ;p

I'm supposed to be studying for my two tests tomorrow (organic chemistry and parasitology), but I decided I needed a break. Normally, I like to be very "zen" when I study and right before I take the exam.... but I'm not feeling that now. I've been sleep deprived, hungry, and abused all week. I'm taking a time out and focusing on things that make me happy. Like this puppy. :)

....... I lost my train of thought because I was staring at the puppy. True Brittany nature.

I catch my breath, the one you took the moment you entered the room

Hey. Even though you think you look hot on your motorcycle with your God complex, stop signs and speed limits still apply to you. Just a reminder. Next time you almost run me over because you're speeding up to a stop sign you plan on running, I'm going to attempt to kick your bike over and then sue you when hit me. Thanks.

This week has kept me extremely busy, and it's only Tuesday. Luckily, I'm keeping on top of my game. I completed three things on my To-Do list tonight of the four I had originally planned. Pretty good I think. I'd like to thank Disney songs for helping me get through most of it. <3 And my green tea of course. Where would I be without that?

On top of being stressed and busy, I'm overly tired and drained (which my appearance apparently shows since four people pointed it out to me). I haven't slept well in the past four days, maybe longer. I've lost count. I haven't eaten properly or had enough water in about the same time. My diet and sleeping patterns hold hands while they run.

I do, however, have something awesome to look forward to next Friday. One of two things is going to happen. I am going to see the second to last NASA shuttle launch, or I'm going to help The Band Perry raise money for the Humane Society of Tampa Bay by bathing dogs. Pretty sweet deal, right?

"My pain is knowing I can't have you."

This song is my addiction of the evening. Take a listen.

"Does she look at you the way I do? Try to understand the words you say and the way you move? Does she get the same big rush when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush? Tell me, am I crazy or is this more than a crush?"

I think I'm done being productive for the evening. I might actually go to bed semi-early. I call it a win. :)

"I already have the crazy, now I just need the cats"

Rockin' a lovely 82.5 hours at the shelter. I spent45 minutes of my time in Sky's kennel. We were just hanging out and bonding. You know, dog stuff. :p

    For the first time in my life, the dogs broke me. I've dealt with all of their behavior issues before, but this morning was just too much for me to handle. I don't think it was the dogs so much as it was.... well, me.
    I was the only volunteer there this morning until about 10am, and even then there were only two of us. 2 volunteers, 50 dogs and many more cats. Do the math.
    I was stressed out because it was difficult to get all the dogs out that needed to be out and give them a sufficient amount of time out. The most difficult dogs gave me the hardest time as usual, but I couldn't help and remember how they were when they first got there. None of these problems existed. Kennel stress. The root of all their problems.
    It breaks my heart. These dogs deserved to be loved. The longer they're in those kennels, the smaller the chance that we send them home. Any behavioral problems they may have had before grow and new ones form. Most of the volunteers avoid them because they're scared. All of these things just amount to more time in the kennels. That time in the kennels makes the problems worse. It's never ending.
    I just couldn't handle it. I broke down right there in the run with the dogs. I had no control over myself. I didn't try to fight it though. This was a pain I was ready to face. I hope it will make that passion burn stronger and my fight to save their lives will be stronger.
    I've dedicated my life thus far to them, and I plan on dedicating the rest of it as well. They have my heart.

Speaking of having my heart...... ;)

    Even with those tears, with that pain, seeing him made me smile. Seeing him made me melt. I forgot how to speak, how to breathe.
    I don't know if there's another person on this planet that can do what he does. For me to be so upset, so distraught, and without him even saying.... I know that he understands. He saw the tears. My nose was still pink, my voice still shaky... but he just knew. I could see it in his eyes that he understood. It made everything better.
 

Yeah..... so that's my life!

Started running but there's nowhere to run to

I think I have a problem. I just emptied my clean laundry on to my bed and found yet another poop bag and a broken dog biscuit. This habit is getting dangerous.... :)

I found a connection today. There's a beautiful pit mix at the shelter who's been there since February. Someone adopted her for a week and brought her back because they're stupid. I'm pretty sure she was meant to be in my life... or I was meant to be in hers. Either way, she's wonderful and I wish I could take her home today. She's just an amazing creature with a wonderful purpose. She'll make someone very happy soon enough, and I hope they do the same for her.

Of course I can't write a blog without the usual mention of a wonderful person. That's really all I have to say. Haha. You all know by now how I feel, and I won't bore you with the usual gushy paragraph about how amazing he makes me feel. Just know, I'm making more of an effort to not be a fool. :)

    The shelter dogs and I have a purpose in each others lives. We understand each other. If you're not a dog person (or even an animal person) it might be hard to grasp this. When you look into a person's eyes, you can feel a connection... if there is one. Any sort of connection, you can find it in their eyes. When I look into the eyes of those dogs, there's a silent understanding. I feel for them. I know their pain and the know mine. Together, we can work through everything and make our lives better.
    Dogs aren't inanimate objects without feelings or souls. These are living, breathing creatures that think and feel. Yes, their minds don't work quite like ours... but that doesn't mean they don't feel pain, that they don't know. It hurts me to see pain in their eyes. It hurts me to see a dog scared of humans because someone didn't love them the way they should have. These dogs deserve more than I could possibly give all of them. They need a home. They need a bed to sleep in. They need to be loved.
    Think about it this way. How would you feel if all of the following happened to you?
Beaten. Starved. Neglected. Tied out in the heat. Forgotten. Relocated to a kennel where you get all the food, toys, and bedding you need. You still aren't loved the way you should be. You spend all day listening to the loud sounds of those in the adjacent kennels. You have everything you need, except love.
    If you have gained anything from my blog, please gain the compassion needed to adopt a shelter dog/cat. These animals are amazing. To have lived through all of the pain and medical problems, and still trust a person to love them....... I know people who can't forget their past in order to make room for a beautiful future. Maybe in a way, they know better than we do..... They deserve more than what they have. Help me give it to them.

"Anyone can make you smile or cry, but it takes someone special to make you smile when you already have tears in your eyes."

Nights like these

I've been trying to sort through it all. Everything has changed and I didn't notice. I can't decide if it happened fast enough to warrant concern, or if I lapsed in my attention.

    There's a part of me that wants him to be a bad decision. Not having him in my life would be easier if he proved to me that he would be the same as the rest.
    Then, there's the part I wish I listened to. The part that tells me to stop being scared and jump! The part that has the happy ending.

I'm not ready to end what I have now. The semester is coming to a close and I am far from prepared. Things are going to be drastically different. I'll be in New Hampshire doing intern work, far from anything I know. My loves at the shelter will no longer be the main part of my life (until I get back, of course). Seeing those dogs every week is something that keeps me moving; keeps me sane.

As much as I love change, as much as I long for it, I'm not ready just yet.

I'm not being productive like I need to be. I'm just sitting on the balcony enjoying the lovely Tampa evening with a drink and my music. It's nights like these that make me forget about my strong dislike of Florida.

    Don't worry everyone! I'm still as crazy as I was yesterday. I'm still trying to control my own mind. I have never in my life been so easily distracted... BY MY OWN THOUGHTS!!! In the past, as long as I had some sort of noise I had complete control over that brain of mine. Now, I can barely last two minutes without getting distracted. If I wasn't so addicted to music I would TRY and give it up, because I think that's part of my problem.
    I know where some of my brain is, but most of it is lost in the wind. Hopefully my butterfly net can help me catch it. We know I won't be using it to catch butterflies at least. 

On nights like these.....

Sorting through the confusion

There are a lot of things in life that scare me.
I'm scared of making mistakes; of forgetting my past and also remembering it.
I'm scared that I won't make it through, that I'll fail.
I'm scared of staying in one place for too long, but also scared of running.
I'm scared of taking things for granted.
I'm scared of the fact that he doesn't treat me like dirt, simply because I'm not used to it.
I'm scared that I can't seem to keep my mind on track.
I'm scared that I'll lose my appreciation for music, the reason for my sanity.

Every single one of these fears... I love them.

In my free time, I look up adoptable pets on the Humane Society's website.
I cry when I'm stressed or confused because it comforts me.
I like to stand in front of the mirror while doing random things, like eating cereal.
I giggle uncontrollably at things nobody else finds funny.
I can't wink, so i don't try.
I like to narrate the actions of animals, except squirrels because they don't seem to appreciate it.
I use phrases like "sad pants" and "lame sauce."
I train dogs because I trust them.
Getting rid of a life long plan gave me a new sense of freedom that I'm still trying to control.
I'm the sap who loves walking down the beach or sitting by the river at night.
I love awkward moments.
David Cook's voice makes me melt.
I love playing on playgrounds because I love acting like a child.
I love hugs.

These are the kinds of things that run through my mind.

Hasn't been sober for days...

    There is a tree on campus I used to watch all the time; the cycle of it's leaves. I was sitting beside it this morning and I realized the leaves were full now. While waiting for the leaves to wake, I must have stopped watching.

    I have only three more chances, maybe six. 

    Advice is easier to give than take right? Like medicine? I wish I could take my own advice. Let go of your inhibitions and follow your heart. You miss a million opportunities when you let your fears stop you.

    Life is overwhelming. My new found sense of freedom is turning out to be more harmful than beneficial. I need to get away. That urge to run is getting stronger. There are so few things keeping me afloat.
    A night on the beach. A starlight walk down the river. Dancing like a fool when I think no one is looking. Cuddling. Singing our favorite songs while driving down the highway. Forgetting that a world exists outside of us. Not caring who's watching. Talking about our favorite memories. Pretending we're twelve years old on a playground.
    I don't want any promises. 
    My simple request: You take me away from all the things that are backing me into a corner my own fear created. I need you. I need you to take me away.

That's the sound I'm waiting for

I've decided I need to remove the phrase "super cute" from my vocabulary. Or maybe just the word super. I don't like where I picked it up from so it needs to go. It's been so long since I thought about him. I'm happy about that though. He was a horrible person and he doesn't deserve to be in my life. I don't deserve to be treated the way he treated me. Goal #1: Stop saying "super cute." Now on to more positive things....

In reference to the school girl crush: "Talk about butterflies. Whooh! I'm scared of those things. I don't want them in there."

Last night was absolutely wonderful. The weather was near perfect. I spent time with two amazing ladies! :) Regardless of what my knee has to say about it, I'm getting a bike next semester. I can't pass up an opportunity like that. We got to walk (well, they bladed) down the river and then pass through Hyde Park Village on the way back. I sat on a stone lion....

This fountain was surrounded by the lions. I'm pretty sure they were meant to be sat on. Why else would they be positioned the way they were?

This next chapter is titled My Distraction:
   Lately in life, I could use a bit of a distraction. My mind was focused on the wrong things, so I needed something to put me on a better path. I found just the thing to help me with that. He's truly something amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better distraction. I hope that soon, he won't be just a distraction. :)

I'm skyping with my baby cousin. Would it be weird to put the laptop in the crib with her so I could read her a bedtime story?

Cat nap

    I just woke up from a wonderful cat nap on the river. It is a bit chilly out this morning, but the sun kept me toasty when the wind wasn't blowing.
    When the wind was blowing, the warmth of the sun was a nice reminder of the positive aspects of life. There's always something there to pull you through, if you only trust that you'll find it.

For funsies, I looked at the general information about the people who read my blog. Apparently I have some readers from Denmark. So this is for them. Hi!!!!!!!

    I have one more year until I graduate from college and start my "real life." I'm already thinking about it though. During my cat nap, I kept thinking about where I could live and what I could do. What would my life be like if I stayed in Tampa? Brittany, you have time. Slow your roll! :p

    My stomach is growling and I'm getting sick. I need to treat my body better, then maybe it won't hate me so much. I could start with more cat naps by the river, because we know I don't get enough sleep at night. ;) I'm in the library. I should be studying. Lame sauce.

I don't want you to forget me when I'm gone

    Remember how I said I was excited for the uncertainty? I think I need to revise that statement. Now, I am still exited.... but things are starting to fall apart. This uncertainty has me so excited that I've forgotten about all my responsibilities and I spend all day daydreaming. I haven't completely forgotten everything though, I just find myself daydreaming and then I stress about all the things I should have been doing.
    I think I may have to start writing down my daydreams. Maybe it will help me keep my mind on track. I do have this fancy new fuzzy giraffe notebook. It's just screaming to be used. You all might get to hear some of them too... but that could be dangerous. :)

    I was just discussing an interesting topic with someone. I don't like familiarity in a location. She asked me if I was going to go back to Charlotte after I graduated and my response was, "no, I don't like familiarity." I don't mean I'm overly familiar with Charlotte, but I am too comfortable there. There's nothing new and exciting, constantly changing to keep my short attention span entertained. I probably won't go back there. Staying in Tampa might be an option. I'm unsure about living here, and I think that's what attracts me.
I need change. I need my daily life to change. I need everything to change.

I need a day off from my head. I need someone to take me away and make me forget about everything.

I have less than 30 days. Less than 30 days to do something (anything) that could be potentially life changing. I'm running out of time.

I think I figured out why I fell so fast. Normally, my trust issues stop me from doing just about everything. When I met him.... my trust issues were practically nonexistent.

As I told Kayla. I'm frustrated, and when she asked me about what:

"That I'm stupid. That I let myself fall for someone before I even knew his name. That I'm not doing anything about it. That...... yeah."

I've never been in a situation where I so fully trusted someone I didn't know. Maybe I should run with it. I've trusted the people I do know in the past and it has almost always failed. My heart falls apart every time. Could it be that trusting him without knowing him is a new positive change? Something meant to show me that trusting someone isn't always bad?

So, I'm making my choice. I'm going to do something, I'm not sure what, but something. Maybe I'll script another conversation in my head. That seemed to work pretty well last time. Speaking of which, I still need to come up with a name. ;)

Although I'm not usually one for sharing conversations, I really liked Kayla's response. So I am going to share it with you special people. 

"its not stupid, its called taking a chance and to find something great you have to put yourself out there. whats the worst that could happen? He doesn't reciprocate your feelings...so you find someone who does, but you gotta try to find out. You need to give him your address your last day and in 20 years you could be telling your kids how their aunt Kayla got their parents together"

I needed this. To write this blog. To clear my head. 

Do me a favor, and look at this. Maybe then, you'll understand.

I'm not ashamed

All the times I have gone back and read my own blog probably amounts to more than the total number of views from you all. Oddly enough, I'm not ashamed. This blog was intended to benefit myself, right?

I started writing this because I needed a place to write things down. I don't enjoy talking through things because I don't have an easy editing feature. Sometimes my brain likes to spit out thoughts that are incomplete and I don't notice until I've already said it. Typing this blog allows me to write that thought, realize it's not finished, and edit it without any complaints. It's simply a way for me to sort through the mess.

 I'm sitting at work now, and so I got to thinking. Working here isn't really work. It's me sitting at a desk wearing a name tag. I do answer the few phone calls we get and fix the minor computer problems, be they our own computers or another's laptop.

I was awoken by thunder this morning. This wasn't your typical low rumbling thunder. This was thunder with a purpose. I don't know what the purpose was, but you don't make that kind of noise for funsies.

The seagulls are disappointed. It's raining, but there are no bathing puddles to be found. Poor things.

I was supposed to be writing my organic chemistry lab report (or maybe I should be working...while...at work, hah), but I decided blogging was a much better way to spend my time.

I'm going to fill you in on a little secret. Ready? Shhh. I like when people respond to my blogs. Haha. It lets me know you're listening reading. Plus, I like to hear what people have to say about me anyway.

On a final note, if you have yet to listen to the song I posted yesterday you're slacking. Green or Blue - To Tell You From Afar. Get on it. :)

Green or Blue - To Tell You From Afar

This song

Fingertips and passionate eyes show something you know now
That even in the dead of winter you can find some warmth

Don't like the dark, when you are wandering, around my heart
So I play it safe, and I turn the lights on, eager to start

I'm only scared you'll forget me
I'm only scared you won't think of me again

All you want
Oh, all you want

You have my heart, so I thought I'd tell you
From afar

I'm only scared you'll forget me
I'm only scared you won't think of me again

All you want
Oh, all you want

*DANCE*

I'm only scared, that you're leaving

(All you want)
Don't you wish we could start again
Don't you wish boundary lines would bend
Don't you wish we could start again
I can't brace my falling

All you want
Oh, all you want.

Just another uneventful day

I am the definition of ridiculous. I walked across campus today to do one of my favorite things (play with fruit flies) while carrying a green fly swatter with a flower on it and my fuzzy giraffe notebook, sporting my stained shirt and (a borrowed pair) sunglasses decorated with stars!

I started my second job today. I'm pretty excited about it. I work as an Alternative Break Coordinator in the P.E.A.C.E. volunteer center. This is the position I'm keeping next year. I'm dropping the other one.

My life has been pretty boring today, so thanks for reading about it.

Good news *sarcasm*. My parasitology professor found a picture of me on Google to put on the lecture powerpoints. I get to be a celebrity host!! Thank you Sean and Eva for suggesting that one. At least my dog gets to be in the picture. I think he might become the famous one. He is cuter than me. :)

This is for him.

Everything I can't seem to say aloud.

    You make me nervous in a way I've never been. Of all people, I lose the ability to speak when I stand next to you. All I can do is laugh and play with the bottom of my shirt. My stomach feels like it drops to the ground with the thought of you.
    You fill the cracks that my colorful duct tape covers. I hate walking away from you with the lingering fear that I won't see you again.
    When you ask me questions like you actually want to hear the answer, I fear it may just be a show. I'm angry with myself for resisting your attempts to understand me.
    You have seen me dance to my own music. You've heard me sing to dogs. You've experienced my endless laughter. You even saw the holographic jungle animal stickers on my phone (still hanging on, by the way). I've been awkward and annoying. You understand my smile. You understand me.
    Your compliments make me melt. I could spot your face in a crowd. I look for you around every corner. My daydreams are filled with thoughts of you, and I love how they get in the way.I think about seeing you everyday.

Maybe I'm a fool to fall so fast, but you're everything I want (if I know what I want). 

"Who could deny these butterflies...."

I'm running out of time, and I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll let this pass me by. I'm scared it's not what I think. I'm scared I'll get hurt again. I'm scared that you're perfect and I'm a fool to think you haven't found forever.

Maybe one day I'll be able to say this to you.

Letting you in doesn't seem to be the problem... it's letting me out.

Maybe it's not my weekend...

The All Time Low concert was possibly one of the greatest experiences of my life. The bands: The Summer Set, Hey Monday, Yellowcard, All Time Low.

ATL is the band that I connect with most lyrically; the musical beauty and personalities are just extras. Let me walk you through my day.

I started with class and we left campus in route to Orlando at 1pm. We arrived at the House of Blues around 3pm and found our spot in line. I attempted to study some, but I was mostly getting annoyed with the ignorant teeny boppers I was surrounded by. When we finally got in to the venue, we slowly made our way toward the front of the pit. The place quickly got crowded, which was expected seeing as the show was sold out. When the Summer Set walked on stage crowd went crazy. If you've ever been in the pit during a show, you'll understand. There are 800 12-year-olds who can't control their bodies, and the crowd starts pushing. Now I am stuck in a wave of children who can't seem to hold themselves upright or stop screaming. After the set was done I moved my way to the back (which I never do, but it worked out better in this case). Hey Monday did their set, and Yellowcard's set initiated a mosh pit!!! :)

When ATL was about to come on I could feel the rush down to my toes and fingers. With the first note of their opening song, I lost it. I was so into the music, in my own world, that people gave me my own personal circle. Apparently I needed it. When they closed with "Therapy" I started tearing up. Their lyrics honestly mean so much to me. They came back for an encore and played "Weightless" and "Dear Maria," both of which have a profound effect on me.

My knees hurt from jumping, my arms are sore from uncontrollable waving, my throat barely survived the night, and I'm pretty sure there was enough sweat dripping off of me to fill an olympic size swimming pool. There were a few moments when my shirt dipped inappropriately low without my knowledge.

As of yet, I have no words to describe how that felt. I'll let you know when I do.