Don't wait for the sky to clear

    A smile truly is a powerful tool. I have a sticker on my door. "A smile can start a conversation without saying a word." I've always been a smiley person. It's one of my defining characteristics. In this area, it seems to be noticed more. I'm used to people ignoring my smile and looking the other way. Maybe they're uncomfortable making such a powerful form of contact with a stranger. When I smile here, everyone tries to find a reason for it. They look for the cause of my smile, like a game. When they can't find the answer, they ask me. They seem puzzled though, when I say there is no reason to my smile. 

    It's my day off, but I'm in the office. On my walk over, I decided to walk the exhibit trail (half of it at least) instead of take my short cut. The deer were taking an afternoon snooze on the far side of the exhibit. The mountain lions were in their usual spots; one on the heavily vegetated rock wall and the other in the dimly lit den. The bobcats were more active then I've ever seen. We finally have all three of them on exhibit. A few days ago, the male took a seat in the tree and watched all the happenings for a good while. Must have been a nice view. The coyote was being coyote. Three small children planted themselves in front of him and they took turns running from one side of the exhibit front to the other. Coyote, because he's like a young dog, chased them tirelessly back and forth. You could see his face drop when they began to continue down the exhibit trail. From there, I moved on to the office.

    I was in the deer exhibit the other day. We were cutting stinging nettle. These plants grow tall and the deer can hide behind them. Do you want to know the fun part? Those of you who have experienced stinging nettle already know. This plant has small spines on them that, when brushed against, stick in the skin of an unsuspecting passerby. The spines don't hurt as much as they itch. Don't scratch it though, for the second you do the bulbs on the end of the spines burst and you'll be itching for days. You can imagine the humor when my supervisor hit himself in the face with a piece. He should have controlled his swing. :p

    We had 16 headless geese come in. Fish and Game killed them because they were problem geese and the heads were taken for research. We wanted to see if the animals would eat the geese. Of course, step one was to pull the feathers out. Tom and I were going to do it the hard way, trying to pull all the feathers out individually. My supervisor came up with another idea (leave it to him). He told us to just skin them. Skinning a goose in a fast and efficient way is not as easy as you would think. We made a cut along the belly and pulled the skin off of the legs and opened the bottom half of the skin. Then, I grabbed the feet and Tom grabbed the skin. A game of tug-of-war ensued. It was successful until our fourth adult goose. The legs came right off when I pulled. It was actually a little traumatizing. Then we had to do the younger geese. We didn't have to tag team these ones. Their skin was fragile enough that we could pull it off on our own. So, there we were pulling skin off the geese. The looks we got aren't something you can describe. Dani, Tom and I pulled the skin off 12 young geese. Talk about entertaining. My pants, boots, hands and arms were covered with blood and feathers. I had some blood in my hair too. After all the skin was off the geese, I took scissors and cut the wings off. A normal day here at the science center. :)

    I've been here for a month, and away from Tampa for almost two. I've never been the biggest fan of Florida, but my heart longs to return. Wherever you go, you can always find something your heart can connect to. Here, it's the passion the staff have for the animals and educating the rest of the world on their importance. It's the amazing views of nature I find myself surrounded by. I live in a cabin that some would find not suitable for their "precious lifestyles," but I love being surrounded by an environment I know little about. It's an adventure every time I step foot out the door. My senses are constantly challenged. There are sounds, sights, and smells I am still unable to define. There are also things I am able to define.
    When you look out into a forest or a field, all you see is the mix of brown and green plant life. When you take the time to learn the differences between all that plant life, you no longer see just one unit. It is thousands of units coming together to form a community.

    Every time I find myself surrounded by this type of nature, I feel like I'm falling in love again. I challenge you to learn about the natural community you live in. Take the time to look up into the trees, and to identify what you see. Know how your actions affect everything that surrounds you. Think about the things you do before you do them. Consider why that groundhog is eating from your garden and find a peaceful approach to correct that. Realize that your bird feeder isn't only going to feed birds. The squirrels don't know the difference between a food source and a feeder meant solely for birds. Those plants are trying just as hard to survive as you are. Try and help them.
    It's a beautiful natural world when you take the time to see it.

"Merrily we fall, out of line. I'd fall anywhere with you. I'm by your side. I'm not afraid anymore."

"Forever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side."

Remind me to breathe

I've been gone from this world for 3 weeks now. It had more of an impact than I thought. I'm in a new, and somewhat scary place, with people I've never met before. I have close to no cell phone service. My thoughts are simply getting lost; a feeling I'm not quite adjusted to. It feels nice to be back.

    I'm quickly falling in love with this place and all it has to offer. The beauty is something I've never experienced. Maybe the beauty has always been there but I've taken it for granted. Never again. The people are one of a kind. I have never felt so welcomed into a place as I feel here. I've found my place in their world.
    Dave. My supervisor. An interesting specimen, although that's an understatement. He keeps the life in the air simply by being amazingly awkward. You can imagine how well we get along! He's helped me find my way through the confusion. He even invited us over for pizza and ice cream. I only cooked once during the first week here, and only a few more times since then.
    Brenda. Dave's wife. The sweetest and most hard working woman I have met. A passion for painting and gardening. A hard face countered by a soft soul.
    Amy, Beth, Eric and Tiggy. The rest of the education staff. Extremely intelligent and ridiculous. Amy plays the boss who holds the crew together. Beth is the stressed naturalist who organizes our lives. Eric is the goof with a serious side. Tiggy is the incredibly awkward and nice Canadian. An amazing crew who makes an amazing difference in the lives of children and wildlife.
    Tom and Lauren. Animal care staff. Lauren is a tiny individual with a soft, caring voice who works like a draft horse. Tom is a smart ass with a good sense of humor. Both amazing people!
    Tim, Dean, Dennis and Claire. Facilities. I can't believe the work they do. It's absolutely amazing.

The people here have won my heart. There are few reasons left for me to leave, but those few are enough to keep me moving.

    My life here has been crazy, stressful and fun. I wake up at 6.30 every weekday morning and prepare for the day. I've gone through enough bug spray to kill off an entire colony of mosquitoes. I get to work around 8 and have a staff meeting at 8.30. And so the day begins. My programs run until about 2 and then I have lunch (on most days). From then on, I help with the tasks around the property. I usually find myself cleaning cages in the animal room, or spending 20 minutes talking to Beaver. Sometimes Tom and I get lost in conversation and an hour passes without us realizing. At least we get stuff done while we talk. In case you're wondering, our beaver weighs 50 lbs and his cage weighs 80. Yeah, we picked that up. :p
    By the end of the day, I'm tired and hungry. We walk back to the cabin and sit for the first time in hours. We make some dinner and hope for a good nights rest. Mike, the marketing intern, can't seem to sit still. We always find ourselves being dragged away by him to do something we shouldn't have the energy for. We've taken drives, and climbed waterfalls. We've met friends and gone swimming in a ridiculously cold, yet beautiful lake.
    It's truly a dream.

    I have two birds that I am training. American Kestrels. One male and one female. The female has a partial right wing amputation. She nested in a ventilation fan and misjudged her timing one day. The fan did a better amputation than the vet could. The male is high energy with a foot problem. Two wonderful birds who could use some training.
    I've gotten to work with some of the bigger raptors too. I just worked with the barred owl. A handful to say the least.

    I hiked a waterfall and basin. We went up to Kinsman Falls in the White Mountains. The beauty hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything about this place is beautiful. On the car ride back, I hung my head out the window like a dog. The air was so fresh and crisp. It was a bit chilly, but amazing. It got me thinking.

    I have always said that everything happens for a reason, but I guess I never truly believed it. I could never convince myself that my father died for a reason, or at least a reason good enough to accept. I could never believe that my family relationships crashed and burned for a reason. I could never believe that someone played my heart and broke it for a reason.

    That has all changed. There are reasons, we just don’t see them right away. I want my father back every day, but I would never be where I am today if he hadn’t gone through that pain. I like to find the humor in it sometimes too. He never wanted to grow old and be dependent upon others. He’s happy now, wherever he may be. He’s stuck as his wonderful, young self. I would never have left and had the opportunities to grow and do the thing I’ve done and am doing if my family relationships survived the hardships. If that man never threw my heart in the fire of his own sick entertainment, I would have never been open to meeting the man I now feel an indescribable passion for.

     Everything happens for a reason. I am here today…. For a reason. 

    I can't forget what awaits me in Tampa. I haven't talked about him in quite a while, but it's time to once again. He's kept his promise and is staying in touch. I'm a little shocked, to be honest, at the number of emails he has sent me. He's going back to school. I can't help but think I had a part in that decision. I can't wait to see him again, because I'm not letting go this time. We compliment each other. I'm not scared of him the way I have been scared of men before. My heart isn't running anymore.
    I miss everyone more than I can explain. I can’t wait to be back. I can’t wait to continue being the hopeless romantic I am. Things are going to be different when I get back. I won’t let him slip away. I won’t let the fear we have scare away the attraction. I met him for a reason. I feel this way for a reason. We have an entire summer to get to know each other before I return. My heart is already his, he just has to reach out and take it. 

    Join me in my dream. Visit me and stay in my uninsulated, rustic cabin. Come see me give presentations on wild animals.