Fall

    I've missed you, Fall. You bring me so much joy. We seem to have a problem this year. You're not here and I can't come to see you. You never used to let me down, and then Florida had to come around and ruin it all.
    I want to see the leaves change color instead of drop off the trees dead and disturbingly brown. I want to smell that unique smell that comes with all of those fall changes, letting me feel warmth in a time so cold.
    By the time I return to your natural home range, Winter will have booted you out and everything will be gray. The cold air will no longer tingle as I run with the dog, but burn with each and every breath in.
    Don't get me wrong. I love your sister (Winter), but she's so temperamental. Some days she brings us snowflakes while others she brings us eery chills, ice and slush. I much prefer the beautiful colors and warm smells in the cold air.
    Come back to me.

While I wait for you, I will simply reminisce and use my imagination to create a world similar to that which I used to live yet now only dream.

Remember that time...

Remember that time I fell in love with that handsome fella on the left? :) Miss my baby bear!!!!

You say....

    remember all those things you said? Were they true?

    In the words of T Swift, my heart forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea. The universe finds a way though. You have replaced my heart's logic by taking it upon yourself to remind me of the emotional pain that comes with the unstable situation we find ourselves in.
    I'm trying my best to understand, I really am. I can only comprehend so much of your end because you never tell me anything about it. Now, I'm the pot and you're the kettle because I'm doing the same thing. Can you understand how I feel if I don't explain it clearly? Of course not.
   

If there were a way to explain without being judged, I would.
If there a way to take back the emotions I expressed, I would.

    I'm not good at sharing how I feel because I'm scared of letting people in. Letting them in means they have gained the potential to do a great amount of harm to my currently unstable emotional standing. However, I let you in. I told you how I feel.
    I'm waiting. Currently, there's nothing.

At least let me know you're still alive. 

If you ever want to learn patience, talk to a cat

    For my behavioral class, our assignment was to view part of the Life series titled "Hunters and Hunted." I went all girly nerd on that video. I let out the stereotypical "aww" whenever a baby animal appeared on the screen. On top of that, I added my nerd commentary to the whole thing..... while watching it by myself (so sadly, no one got to hear my commentary).
    I have always been fascinated by canines, but I officially have a new "favorite" species. By that I mean I just really like them, because I don't pick favorites. :) Ethiopian wolves. Who knew those even existed? I know now. 1)They're adorable. 2) They live in a desolate environment. 3) They have one dominate, mating female rather than one dominate male. 4) They are overall fascinating. :)
    Many of the scenarios used involve cats, because... well, let's face it. As much as I don't really enjoy felines, they are incredible hunters. Show me another animal that has the incredible patience cats demonstrate when their prey is twenty feet in front of them. So if you ever want to learn patience, talk to a cat. 

    Be a nerd with me. Watch the video!!!!


http://www.documentaryfilmstube.com/watch/life-hunters-and-hunted-2009

Who's gonna come around when you break?

    Life has a not so subtle way of reminding us of the important things we so easily forget, even if moving past them can be beneficial.
    I sit and I wait. I'm different//I'm not the same girl who used to stand strong when people did me wrong. My walls have a purpose. I've learned who to let through and who not, or so I thought. I've recently (very recently) been reminded why those walls exist..... why I'm so slow to trust people.
    I need to know whether or not I should invest my time, my energy, my heart into whatever this is. I'm fighting with myself. I'm torn between learning from past mistakes and having faith in you.
    I thought you were what I needed. I thought you were going to be the missing piece.... at least for a while. Now, I'm not so sure.

    I'm tired of losing my smile. You're breaking my heart before you even had the chance to mend it. Please stop making me hate you. 

    I'm giving advice I can't follow. We're told that we learn from mistakes//by doing//by failing. Our mistakes? Our doing? Our failure? I don't ever seem to learn from my own past and the small, silly mistakes I make.... or seemingly small mistakes. Others have the opportunity to learn from them however, which brings us back to the advice. The advice I give is based solely on my own experiences and when I don't have the experience, I have nothing but a shoulder to offer.
    I'm starting to believe we fail so others can learn. For them to learn, we have to continue failing. Once they learn.... maybe we start to follow suit.


"Who's gonna pay attention to your dreams? Who's gonna plug your ears when you scream?.....Who's gonna hold you down when you shake? Who's gonna come around when you break?....You can't go on thinking nothing's wrong."

    This song has beautiful lyrics to begin with, but combined with the voice I can never refuse..... it becomes something more. The emotion is stronger and the tears are real. Each layer of the song is emphasized with a passion that's impossible to miss.