Just Smile

For me, today turned out to be all about learning and reflecting. 

I realized that I have been at the Humane Society of TB/"home" for just over a year. It doesn't seem like it's been that long. Everyone has their passions, and this is mine. I look forward to the days I spend there and the things I learn. I've grown a tremendous amount since I first started there. I've grown in the knowledge I have and my capabilities. I have grown as a dog handler. I have grown as an educator. Most importantly, I have grown as a person. I could never put into words how thankful I am for every person there and all they have done for me. They are my family (whether they like it or not :P )

I learned: My lucky number HAS TO BE 24. Every dog at HSTB that has touched my heart//that has saved me was in kennel number twenty four. 

I learned: I am exactly where I should be. 

I learned: All the hard work is worth it. 

I learned: Saving lives is what my heart wants. You just might see me in the animal rescue field for a while. :)

I am who I am because of the experiences I have had, the chances I took, and the mistakes I made. I wouldn't trade them in for a single thing. I love my life and all of its hardships. They have brought me here. 

Yesterday marked five years since my father's death. That day will forever burn in my memory. Having to explain to my sister that our father was no longer with us.... begging for my mother to be allowed to see him before they took him off the machines.... watching people fall apart... trying to hold myself together. 

I went back to the house after a while in the hospital. Our dog greeted us, knowing something was wrong. I thought I had to be strong for everyone.... that was always my job. I smiled, I laughed and I played with my dog. Thinking about how hard I tried to smile breaks my heart even more. I should have let the weight break me then, instead of build. 

I broke. I spent years picking myself up off the ground. Here I stand. 

I got messages from a few people that reminded me how big my smile should be. They told me how I've grown to be a wonderful person and how proud my father would be. I don't normally share personal messages, but somebody sent me something that made me cry a little harder yesterday. I cried because I knew she was right.

"I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. Your father was a wonderful person, and he was always so good to Dave and me. The world was a better place with him! 

Know that I am thinking of you! You have become a wonderful young woman. Your dad would be proud of you. "

 Reading those words, "your dad would be proud of you".... I knew she was right. I knew that, although everything seemed wrong at the moment//although it seemed that I had strayed from the right path//although I feel lost and confused, I AM doing great things for myself. 

Life. It's sitting in front of us, waiting. Waiting for us to open our eyes and take the first step. I learned about myself yesterday, and today, and right now. I will always be learning about myself. 

Don't be afraid. Follow your heart. If it feels like you lost your way, check again. You may be heading exactly where you were meant to. 

"Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile even though it's breaking.  When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. If you smile through your fear and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you'll see the sun come shining through for you. Light up your face with gladness. Hide every trace of sadness. Although a tear may be ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying. Smile what's the use of crying. You'll find that life is still worth while, if you just smile."  -- Nat King Cole never fails me. :)