Remind me to breathe

I've been gone from this world for 3 weeks now. It had more of an impact than I thought. I'm in a new, and somewhat scary place, with people I've never met before. I have close to no cell phone service. My thoughts are simply getting lost; a feeling I'm not quite adjusted to. It feels nice to be back.

    I'm quickly falling in love with this place and all it has to offer. The beauty is something I've never experienced. Maybe the beauty has always been there but I've taken it for granted. Never again. The people are one of a kind. I have never felt so welcomed into a place as I feel here. I've found my place in their world.
    Dave. My supervisor. An interesting specimen, although that's an understatement. He keeps the life in the air simply by being amazingly awkward. You can imagine how well we get along! He's helped me find my way through the confusion. He even invited us over for pizza and ice cream. I only cooked once during the first week here, and only a few more times since then.
    Brenda. Dave's wife. The sweetest and most hard working woman I have met. A passion for painting and gardening. A hard face countered by a soft soul.
    Amy, Beth, Eric and Tiggy. The rest of the education staff. Extremely intelligent and ridiculous. Amy plays the boss who holds the crew together. Beth is the stressed naturalist who organizes our lives. Eric is the goof with a serious side. Tiggy is the incredibly awkward and nice Canadian. An amazing crew who makes an amazing difference in the lives of children and wildlife.
    Tom and Lauren. Animal care staff. Lauren is a tiny individual with a soft, caring voice who works like a draft horse. Tom is a smart ass with a good sense of humor. Both amazing people!
    Tim, Dean, Dennis and Claire. Facilities. I can't believe the work they do. It's absolutely amazing.

The people here have won my heart. There are few reasons left for me to leave, but those few are enough to keep me moving.

    My life here has been crazy, stressful and fun. I wake up at 6.30 every weekday morning and prepare for the day. I've gone through enough bug spray to kill off an entire colony of mosquitoes. I get to work around 8 and have a staff meeting at 8.30. And so the day begins. My programs run until about 2 and then I have lunch (on most days). From then on, I help with the tasks around the property. I usually find myself cleaning cages in the animal room, or spending 20 minutes talking to Beaver. Sometimes Tom and I get lost in conversation and an hour passes without us realizing. At least we get stuff done while we talk. In case you're wondering, our beaver weighs 50 lbs and his cage weighs 80. Yeah, we picked that up. :p
    By the end of the day, I'm tired and hungry. We walk back to the cabin and sit for the first time in hours. We make some dinner and hope for a good nights rest. Mike, the marketing intern, can't seem to sit still. We always find ourselves being dragged away by him to do something we shouldn't have the energy for. We've taken drives, and climbed waterfalls. We've met friends and gone swimming in a ridiculously cold, yet beautiful lake.
    It's truly a dream.

    I have two birds that I am training. American Kestrels. One male and one female. The female has a partial right wing amputation. She nested in a ventilation fan and misjudged her timing one day. The fan did a better amputation than the vet could. The male is high energy with a foot problem. Two wonderful birds who could use some training.
    I've gotten to work with some of the bigger raptors too. I just worked with the barred owl. A handful to say the least.

    I hiked a waterfall and basin. We went up to Kinsman Falls in the White Mountains. The beauty hit me like a ton of bricks. Everything about this place is beautiful. On the car ride back, I hung my head out the window like a dog. The air was so fresh and crisp. It was a bit chilly, but amazing. It got me thinking.

    I have always said that everything happens for a reason, but I guess I never truly believed it. I could never convince myself that my father died for a reason, or at least a reason good enough to accept. I could never believe that my family relationships crashed and burned for a reason. I could never believe that someone played my heart and broke it for a reason.

    That has all changed. There are reasons, we just don’t see them right away. I want my father back every day, but I would never be where I am today if he hadn’t gone through that pain. I like to find the humor in it sometimes too. He never wanted to grow old and be dependent upon others. He’s happy now, wherever he may be. He’s stuck as his wonderful, young self. I would never have left and had the opportunities to grow and do the thing I’ve done and am doing if my family relationships survived the hardships. If that man never threw my heart in the fire of his own sick entertainment, I would have never been open to meeting the man I now feel an indescribable passion for.

     Everything happens for a reason. I am here today…. For a reason. 

    I can't forget what awaits me in Tampa. I haven't talked about him in quite a while, but it's time to once again. He's kept his promise and is staying in touch. I'm a little shocked, to be honest, at the number of emails he has sent me. He's going back to school. I can't help but think I had a part in that decision. I can't wait to see him again, because I'm not letting go this time. We compliment each other. I'm not scared of him the way I have been scared of men before. My heart isn't running anymore.
    I miss everyone more than I can explain. I can’t wait to be back. I can’t wait to continue being the hopeless romantic I am. Things are going to be different when I get back. I won’t let him slip away. I won’t let the fear we have scare away the attraction. I met him for a reason. I feel this way for a reason. We have an entire summer to get to know each other before I return. My heart is already his, he just has to reach out and take it. 

    Join me in my dream. Visit me and stay in my uninsulated, rustic cabin. Come see me give presentations on wild animals.