Nights like these

I've been trying to sort through it all. Everything has changed and I didn't notice. I can't decide if it happened fast enough to warrant concern, or if I lapsed in my attention.

    There's a part of me that wants him to be a bad decision. Not having him in my life would be easier if he proved to me that he would be the same as the rest.
    Then, there's the part I wish I listened to. The part that tells me to stop being scared and jump! The part that has the happy ending.

I'm not ready to end what I have now. The semester is coming to a close and I am far from prepared. Things are going to be drastically different. I'll be in New Hampshire doing intern work, far from anything I know. My loves at the shelter will no longer be the main part of my life (until I get back, of course). Seeing those dogs every week is something that keeps me moving; keeps me sane.

As much as I love change, as much as I long for it, I'm not ready just yet.

I'm not being productive like I need to be. I'm just sitting on the balcony enjoying the lovely Tampa evening with a drink and my music. It's nights like these that make me forget about my strong dislike of Florida.

    Don't worry everyone! I'm still as crazy as I was yesterday. I'm still trying to control my own mind. I have never in my life been so easily distracted... BY MY OWN THOUGHTS!!! In the past, as long as I had some sort of noise I had complete control over that brain of mine. Now, I can barely last two minutes without getting distracted. If I wasn't so addicted to music I would TRY and give it up, because I think that's part of my problem.
    I know where some of my brain is, but most of it is lost in the wind. Hopefully my butterfly net can help me catch it. We know I won't be using it to catch butterflies at least. 

On nights like these.....