I don't want you to forget me when I'm gone

    Remember how I said I was excited for the uncertainty? I think I need to revise that statement. Now, I am still exited.... but things are starting to fall apart. This uncertainty has me so excited that I've forgotten about all my responsibilities and I spend all day daydreaming. I haven't completely forgotten everything though, I just find myself daydreaming and then I stress about all the things I should have been doing.
    I think I may have to start writing down my daydreams. Maybe it will help me keep my mind on track. I do have this fancy new fuzzy giraffe notebook. It's just screaming to be used. You all might get to hear some of them too... but that could be dangerous. :)

    I was just discussing an interesting topic with someone. I don't like familiarity in a location. She asked me if I was going to go back to Charlotte after I graduated and my response was, "no, I don't like familiarity." I don't mean I'm overly familiar with Charlotte, but I am too comfortable there. There's nothing new and exciting, constantly changing to keep my short attention span entertained. I probably won't go back there. Staying in Tampa might be an option. I'm unsure about living here, and I think that's what attracts me.
I need change. I need my daily life to change. I need everything to change.

I need a day off from my head. I need someone to take me away and make me forget about everything.

I have less than 30 days. Less than 30 days to do something (anything) that could be potentially life changing. I'm running out of time.

I think I figured out why I fell so fast. Normally, my trust issues stop me from doing just about everything. When I met him.... my trust issues were practically nonexistent.

As I told Kayla. I'm frustrated, and when she asked me about what:

"That I'm stupid. That I let myself fall for someone before I even knew his name. That I'm not doing anything about it. That...... yeah."

I've never been in a situation where I so fully trusted someone I didn't know. Maybe I should run with it. I've trusted the people I do know in the past and it has almost always failed. My heart falls apart every time. Could it be that trusting him without knowing him is a new positive change? Something meant to show me that trusting someone isn't always bad?

So, I'm making my choice. I'm going to do something, I'm not sure what, but something. Maybe I'll script another conversation in my head. That seemed to work pretty well last time. Speaking of which, I still need to come up with a name. ;)

Although I'm not usually one for sharing conversations, I really liked Kayla's response. So I am going to share it with you special people. 

"its not stupid, its called taking a chance and to find something great you have to put yourself out there. whats the worst that could happen? He doesn't reciprocate your feelings...so you find someone who does, but you gotta try to find out. You need to give him your address your last day and in 20 years you could be telling your kids how their aunt Kayla got their parents together"

I needed this. To write this blog. To clear my head. 

Do me a favor, and look at this. Maybe then, you'll understand.