Tell me when you're ready to let me in

    I woke up this morning (not that I got to sleep much) in a full size bed next to a sweaty 5 year old, with a 3 month old puppy at my feet, and another sweaty 5 year old on top of me. Not to mention the screaming baby who was angry that the bathroom door separated her from her mother. What a beautiful way to wake up.
    As much as I complain and suffer from sleep deprivation (minor exaggeration), I do love it. Life is beautiful and that's part of my life here. Those girls are extremely important to me, and if having them in my life means never sleeping comfortably, I'll take it. :)

    I say I'm happy. I wake up in the morning and I smile at what I have made for myself. I say that my life is heading exactly where I want it to. I say....
    I don't know what else to say. Maybe I'm not happy with what I have made for myself. I have worked hard to get to where I am, and I have no regrets. I'm proud of myself for working that hard and for achieving so much.
    There are other things I want out of my life, right now. I know I am young and have the rest of my life. Believe me. I have heard that argument enough times that it arises in my own arguments with myself. I don't care. If I'm not working toward what will make me happy, does it truly matter that I'm "still young?"
    I'm stubborn and my pride won't let me change a damn thing. I have had the same plan for my life since I was a child, and I don't want to admit that there may be something else calling my name. I don't want to admit that I shifted when my rock was so firmly held in place.

    I need to find what makes me feel complete.

    Let me in. We both have our past pain and the fear that history will repeat itself. Don't believe that we have no control. We can share our pain. We can work through the fear by letting each other in. I've spent a great amount of time preparing myself to let someone in//to let you in. 

    I don't think I'm a very intimidating person, in any way. If I'm wrong... please let me know.

--- I say I don't need you, but I do.---

After writing this, I listened to "Little Wonders" by Rob Thomas and it reminded me of the fool I am. I need to take things a step at a time and remember all of the amazing things I have in my life. Love what I have, not what I want.